An Essay About Deviating

Attacking the homophobia
demands a great motion, Peter Tatchell.
The globe that moves.

There has seldom been
a performance so virtuosic in political
expression. So often a
militant declaration, manifested
in an organic sphere.

Short Winter Poems For Short Winter Days

-
This absence creates a war – My legs bubble I’m sure
with pips of post undoubtedly that my sh my sh my
short xmas trouble &

_____________________ that woman is staring at my ecstasy.
-
your swiss cheese plant
melts my heart
-
I have been standing at my window for Marble &
the last three weeks watching the sun-gloves stop my
go wondering why it would do tht why fingers tickling
4.30pm. & so I remember it’s winterrr loves or
& so _______________________ pulling
_____I shut up, Rebecca.____________triggers.
-
my botanical name
is a hot handed shame
-
If I am a hollow tree, then if I am a hollow tree then If I
am a hollow then if I am then I am.

If I am a broken record breaking hearts, and if I am a br
oken record breaking hearts and if I am broken and hollow
I would not tell you, or the ocean or a big red bus or
A bright yello taxi or any combination of lorries:
R e d y e l l o red yellowredyellored red yellowyello red yellow

Or if I am a smashed window then I’ll borrow tht, I’ll
Borrow. I don’t mind.

If I am a hollow tree then if I am a hollow tree then if
I am a hollow tree then I don’t mind.
-
a crash of pollen
ruined my Stollen
-
This absence creates a war, a sleek plastic leaf that
curls us up inside. I wouldn’t mind.

I crunch up my home-made home and package it
neatly in a Le Creuset casserole dish for one.
Shor, it’s fine, shor.

I Thought & So I Did, Love

we are not always at the same time we
are not always in the same place so
we are often a little further than a handshake so
I offer my foot & that probably reached. I
am not always in the same food or sometimes
mood as you. I close something. I am
not always in the same crutch. So we shake.
Being lying down - as you might be now,
I lie down too. I am not always climbing
into the same pair of Levi's with you, we are
and not always climbing into bed with you,
you are too much out of here.
____oh strange and beautiful volta
____i am laughing at the same time at you.

Something Frumping and A Dumpling

did you see this? this is a, this,
did you see this? this is where you
(isn't it odd to think that this is
blackness inside when there's all
this light around & why all the
colours in my stomach lining might
never know what colour is.
*
have you seen my eyes? they're
my eyes - they're not my best
my minds eye here and herr
with your heart or your mind or
someother greater essence? rr
your soul? where does that
come from? & if I had these
legs, as opposed to these legs
million dollar baby & crusty
with diamanté.
*
Will says he laughed, Tony smiled
& George nearly cried. the
old lady is making me grin and
smile at the same time as the
chinese man bows to her oddly
familiar Reebok Classics, where
her slender feet might once have
stood on little red heels with a
strap across the front
____________________& there's her
scarf & I larf. it's patronising but
a pint of Tommy Ts poured over
her artisically arranged (i powered
down the gym, (i plugged myself in
(i worked myself up (i hugged my
hot hands dry and sang
_______saaaaaaaaaaatnaaaaaaaaaam
because the white lady told me. i
can't see her aura, but she's telling
her headscarf radiates it by a million
more times than my flat blonde wig.
*
i sat and watched this...she with her feet
black and...I watched where the sun
laughed in their open mouths as they sped
like they were on motorbikes smoking
brillos of hot and sultry plumming priorities.
today is. it isThursday and it's nearly
Friday. Something swims in my shallow
Gaza intestine river (a stripper
slips a note in my tracksuit bottoms
and I think my membership must be
due. i realise I've got Russia in my back
pocket. you love it.
*
My boy talks about
Sexus, Nexus & Complexus like we
know what they are. we're staring
and exploding and some other things
happen but they're not as interesting so
I dismiss them as happenings and not
an artistic poesy blushing on my iridescent
nose hairs. watch:
(I hum a while. No tune, just notes) Dddid
you see them sparkle? and in doing that-
for you, just now-i am maddened, reddened
hardened (not like that. people think -
because I'm blonde,
__________________that I act stupid. but
that's it - i'm not acting.

Walking - Talking

Harry’s just stolen a piano
So I’m walking in the other
Direction. Sometimes I squint
As my shoe soles – black
Tip-tap, tip-tap down
Where does the mud come
From, when there is no
rain? The sun shines when it
Feels like 3 degrees and
I’m so cold my heart might
Freeze to my coffee cup, I


Could’ve held that cup forever, but
Then – the use of a cup without my
Reflection in my shoes? Don’t, doesn’t
Match my coat the fact is I should’ve
Worn another coat.
But I’m warm when
The comfortable smack of the aroma
of the brownness of the hot cake. Brioche
with oceans of chocolate chips. And
a handful of sugar puffs. I’m really into
Sugar Puffs.

-

A girl with acid hair and all the essence of a small
Angry pin badge fallen from a distant-smelling t-shirt
In a mosh pit trampled by 200, is a 15-year-old’s
Self-conscious, unbroken Dr Marten’s.
I wear it,
I wear it. I wear mine with all the same wreckage you
Wear yours.

-

Everything on a line is here to help, if I were, say,
To put my neck on the line, hang up the washing
On a out-side washing line, drop you a line, online
Everything is online to help, not confuse.
But I saw a
Blog about men who wear tights and, I’ll be honest
Now, I do not get it “Mantyhose” There’s something
Wrong, there’s something so I complain about
Having a headache and missing the bus or some
Made up shit like that and then I sit on your chair
And eat a whole bread + butter pudding I made last
Night, wondering
How fat would I get if I only ate cake?


-

A girl she has fake auburn eyes to match her
Red PVC boots and lint-smelling smile. So
stressful I thought my nose started to bleed-

But it was just
Running. Because it’s
Cold.
I watch a hand move to her face and hear it.
mumbles follow waters and other things
I can hear she’s crying right.
Were you that girl, I mean
Was that girl you?
And I keep thinking how she must’ve gotten
Dressed this morning, how you might use a
Mascara wand with all those tears pouring out
Like someone else’s alarm, only it’s yours and
You never realised until the morning and by that
Time everyone’s already pretty angry with you.

-

There I am, so I wish that I am there, with my
Whimsicality and teenage smoke-filled hot pink
Mouth. With them, with their apartheid of agelessness
And satin eyes, I am. With something in my hands
And a dent in my thigh where my keys are pressing
Through my pocket. Your cheeks burning as hard
And red as the first cigarette.
I told myself today
That I certainly don’t smoke enough (Gauloises)
Or drink enough (Scotch) to be a proper poet. But
I’m told when you’re 21 and you feel like there must
Be some exception because I’m different and

Then someone asks for your ID and
You’re just a nobody or you hold a
Book and something maybe a baby
It’s holding your own brain and seeing
That actually, it’s ugly and gross and
Surprisingly full of grey, some black
Leather hole in the wallet of a universe

You Singular

Beat. Bang heat hot one.
Lingering thing with a long long long
The beat. Beaten track thick and waiting. And waiting waiting long.
Birthday ribbon.
A
I am hot.
Me
I am hot
A hot one, bang beaten beaten.
On the track been beaten, been beaten on the track repeating.
In-trin-sic-ally.

Right that right that right song that wrong.
That try that one, that one, try that on, that bang, that bang
A a a a. A one. That is A a, a. A that is one.
A one, hot. A hot that is a. A one that is one that is one.
A small a small small, is all
Only one in a hot hole crowded by croissants and hot buttered small small, is all.
Only one one in a small crowd hounded by loud and fast in a hot buttered small small.
Who, and what one own, one on own, owned by none. On own is one and only. So.

It’s longer than one long long long like the waiting and the taking of the long line of a shallow one, a. the LongLong. Thick and sweet like a long wait in a hollow beaten track.
Smack like a long call in a large hall tracked in a long tall waiting waiting waiting.
So much to say say so much with waiting closed mouth hollow. Thick and sweet like a smack in the closed hollow mouth. Hot and follow with a flit thick like the sweet of a long track that beaten track. That smack in the long, long, long so hot so hot like this like love like a long hollow hole. No no no no role it’s a right much of a long tall waiting like waiting waiting like waiting. Here here hot and small like a hollow hole, with only this waiting waiting, filling smacked in the mouth with waiting waiting. Falling waiting waiting, here waiting waiting th- waiting waiting.

That Chair

Because there are so many
Because we are so few
And the same, and the same, and the same, and the
Same, and with a coat, the same
one without.
And this. A red hug
a bed. A red bed. Hug the bed, all red.
Except the legs.
The squashy, the the bouncy wealth.
the wealth, that bounce.
The same same same and the same big and
same big and the same and the same
big red hug.
Like the one with the coat, but without it coat.
And the same's not the red bed hug.
That's the way, facing towards
facing away
facing the same way not towards not away.
Facing in a big red
a big red bus. Small, no bus.
Amputee, four, without facing away.
Little amputee
like a hug in a haystack
not stacked.
Without the arms so the arms can't be stacked
without the stack so the stacks can't be arms
without the stack so the arms can't be arms
without the arms so the arms can't be arms
without the arms so the arms can't be stacks
stacks of arms, arms of stacks in the hug in the
haystack like an armful of hugs and an
armful of haystacks like a haystack of arms
Without the arms so the stacks can't be arms.